Surviving Pet Loss and Grief During The Holidays

 

This will be our second Christmas without my sweet BooBoo. Last year we knew as hard as it was to not have Boo here that we didn’t want to have Christmas without a dog in the house, since our Christmases are always about the dogs and having them tear open gifts. Last year we fostered sweet Lexi, who got adopted shortly after returned her in the new year. She had a beautiful Christmas with us, got spoiled rotten with balls, balls, balls, balls, squeaky balls, more squeaky balls, treats, chews, more squeaky balls, and more treats and chews. She brought joy to our home that we desperately needed and our home gave her a respite from the shelter where she had been for months.

But that only helped a little bit to comfort my broken heart during the holidays. I didn’t just want any dog here – I wanted my Boo back celebrating with us. In my head, I knew that wasn’t possible but part of me just wanted Christmas and New Year’s to skip over because they were reminders of Boo not being here and a reminder of the passage of time. After New Year’s Eve I’d have to change to saying “Boo died LAST year” not just “she died a few months ago.” That made it feel so much heavier and longer ago than I wanted to accept.

This year, while I still miss Boo very much and rarely have a week where I don’t shed at least a few tears for her, we’ll be happily celebrating with Gertie for her first Christmas at home with us. We are keeping up with some of our old family traditions, like our annual visit to the Christmas tree farm, where she helped us pick out our tree and giving her a Christmas Countdown calendar with a special treat every day. This year’s tree will undoubtedly have some new ornaments on it honoring her addition to our family but I’m hoping we can maybe find some new traditions to start with her, so she’s not just living in the shadow of Boo and Barbo. She deserves that.

The holiday season can be a beautiful time of connection, celebration, and gratitude but for those who are grieving, it can also be a season that feels unbearably heavy. My own pet loss grief counselor told me early on about TUGs – temporary upsurges in grief – that happen during your grief journey. These are often predictable days when, no matter how much time has passed, we feel extra sad or heavy that day. For me those TUGs happen on Boo’s birthday, death day, Gotcha day, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, and big holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve and Halloween. All these days have strong memories of Boo in our lives and it’s hard for those days to pass without being impacted emotionally.

For this time of year, when the world around you is filled with lights, laughter, and “holiday cheer,” you may feel pressure to put on a smile, to join in, or to pretend you’re feeling something that you’re not. If you’ve experienced a loss, whether recent or years ago, the holidays can bring that grief to the surface all over again. Traditions that once brought joy may now stir painful memories. Family gatherings may feel incomplete or hollow. Even something as simple as hearing a favorite song or unpacking an ornament can trigger a wave of sadness. The first Christmas without Boo I didn’t even want to put up a tree, but we did. And when I came time for decorating, I sobbed unwrapping ornaments of all the places we had been with Boo and her special, custom ornaments marking her first Christmas and 15th one. Sobbed…like fell to the floor uncontrollably crying and gasping for air.

It’s important to remember this: there is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays while grieving.

Some people find comfort in maintaining their traditions exactly as they’ve always been. Others find that creating new rituals or stepping away from certain events entirely feels more comforting and supportive. However you choose to move through this time, it’s OK. Grief is personal, and so is your healing.

Friends and relatives often mean well when they suggest what you “should” do like what gatherings to attend, what traditions to uphold, what they think will “make you feel better.” But only you know what feels right for your heart. You don’t have to go through the motions, and you don’t have to perform happiness for anyone else’s comfort.

I give you permission to say no.

Be gentle with yourself. You are carrying something precious and heavy. Give yourself permission to rest, to cry, to skip the party, to leave early or to decline altogether. Do only what serves your soul and your healing, not what others expect.

If this time of year feels too hard to navigate alone, please know that you don’t have to. As a pet loss doula, I offer supportive, non-judgmental sessions to help you move through the holidays with care and compassion for yourself and to help you honor your loss. Together, we can create space for your feelings and explore gentle ways to honor your loved one during this season.

You don’t need to walk this journey alone. I am here.

Your story matters.
Your bond matters.
Your grief matters.

And I’m here to help you honor all of it. You can learn more about my doula and doula and pet loss grief companion services here.

I’ve also got these free resources:

• Grief resources, which I update regularly
• Advance Care Directive worksheet (free download)
• Helping kids navigate grief
• Benefits of At Home Euthanasia with a directory of local vets by different regions.
• When To Get Another Dog After Loss
• Self Care After A Loss

If you’ve missed my previous grief posts:

• first post about Boo passing
• 2 month update
• 4 month update
• 6 month update
• 8 month update
• 10 month update
• 12 month update
• Shifting from Grief to Gratitude
• watch this memorial video of Life of Boo, with music composed by my husband, John.
• Video of BooBoo crossing the rainbow bridge (Lake Lure Rainbow Bridge, destroyed in Hurricane Helene floods)

And of course I’m here for any of your training needs or you can book my special consult if you’re considering behavioral euthanasia.

Give your pups some extra treats from me and BooBoo, for free…don’t make them work for it, in honor of her. If you record it, please share it with me! Free Treats In Honor Of BooBoo!

If you would like to support my efforts and make a contribution to allow me to continue to create free resources like my blog and all of my other free resources, you can Buy Me A Coffee!

Thanks for being here!