Shifting Grief to Gratitude in Pet Loss

Recently I submitted my one year grief update to The Pet Loss Companion podcast, because they had graciously shared my story about BooBoo shortly after she passed away, and I wanted to give them an update. My Lessons and Gratitude in Grief One Year in was shared here, episode #214. I was also recently a guest on the podcast, episode #212, talking about fostering, how fostering helped with my grief journey with BooBoo, and my self-paced course, Fostering 101: Fundamentals to Being a Successful Foster—available here!

I recently added a new certification, to supplement my doula work. I am now a certified pet loss and grief companion and have even more skills and tools now to help my end-of-life and grief clients navigate the incredibly difficult journey of pet loss.

This was my third appearance on the podcast, not including the episode with Ken and Nancy reading my submitted story, right after BooBoo’s passing. Listen/watch that episode here, or on your favorite podcast player. It was episode #166. I had recently sent in an update on how I was doing since the one year of Boo’s passing happened.

Ken and Nancy’s podcast (and their book of the same name) was a tremendous help to me during my most difficult days of grief. There’s just something about having a community and sharing and listening to other stories of people sharing their own losses and bonds to help you not feel alone, and to see there is light on the other end, even when it doesn’t feel like it. On the podcast they read other stories of loss and sometimes people send in updates, so I submitted mine, which they read during my last podcast appearance.

Here’s the update I sent them:

Dear Ken and Nancy,

It’s been a year since BooBoo’s passing, and I wanted to share an update.

In the days before we said goodbye, a friend asked what I needed. I half-joked, “more tissues.” An hour later, DoorDash showed up with 15 boxes. I laughed, which I hadn’t done much. It’s memories like this that stick with me a year later, along with the gestures of support: meals, cards, flowers, donations in Boo’s honor, personalized gifts like a handmade quilt and custom vase. I will never forget the messages from clients sharing how Boo had helped them with their dogs just by being part of my journey.

Grief has been a daily tug-of-war between holding on and moving forward. We’ve since fostered over a dozen dogs. Doing things with them that I once did with Boo is both healing and heartbreaking. Life is different now, and so am I.

Here’s what I’ve learned in this first year of grief:

1. Helping others helps. My passion for guiding others through loss has deepened, especially in my doula work. Supporting others keeps Boo and Barbo’s legacy alive in everything I do.
2. I’m more guarded. Not everyone is comfortable with grief. Loss clarified who I can trust with my time, energy, and vulnerability. Time is precious, and grief makes that crystal clear.
3. Find support. Grief is lonely. I found great comfort in the Dakin Humane Society support group (thank you, Ken!) and in my grief counselor, Angela. Even as a doula, I needed help—and there’s no shame in that.
4. Fostering heals. Returning to fostering helped honor Boo and reconnect me with joy. It let me explore what I needed in a future dog and gave other dogs a chance to heal, too.
5. Memorializing matters. Photos, videos, and my daily-worn cremation ring help me remember, process, and stay connected. Find what works for you.
6. Feel it all. You can’t outrun grief. Let yourself feel the sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. It’s messy—but necessary. Then remember the love.
7. Take time. There’s no timeline for grief. I stepped back from work and struggled physically and mentally. The book The Grieving Brain helped me understand what was happening to my body and mind.
8. Forgive yourself. The what-ifs and regrets are normal, but they stall healing. Be kind to yourself—you did your best with the information you had at hand.
9. Allow happiness. This is still hard. Joy without Boo felt disloyal at first, especially with another dog. But grief and love can coexist. As my counselor said, “We carry that relationship—and grief—with us forever.”

About 10 months in, we foster failed with Gertrude Wigglebottom aka Gertie for short, our 11^th foster since Boo died. She looks nothing like Boo and yet, in temperament and behavior, reminds me of both Boo and Barbo. I had quietly created a list of 13 traits I hoped for—and Gertie met them all. She is not Boo and will never replace her and I may never love her the way I loved Boo, but she is pure joy and exactly the dog we needed in our lives at this time.

4661 days wasn’t enough with Boo. No amount of time would’ve been. If I had one wish, it’d be to find her sooner so I could’ve loved her longer. But in her absence, I’ve found deep gratitude for all we had:

I am grateful for:

1. How she made me a better person and changed the course of my life
2. Every morning and bedtime snuggle we shared. It was our quiet time.
3. The peace and quieting force she was in my life.
4. Her unconditional love – never judging, never holding a grudge
5. The way she looked at me—loving, knowing
6. All she taught me about fearful dogs and how together she went from feral dog to therapy dog
7. The memories, photos, videos, and stories that live on
8. The simple fact that she was mine to lose

I’d do it all again, even knowing the pain of the ending. Our bond, our love, and our shared impact are still with me—in everything I do.

To anyone grieving: it does get softer. You’ve survived every hard day so far, and you’re not alone. There’s a community here to support you. Honor your beloved in a way that feels right to you. I truly believe they’d want you to be happy again.

Thank you for creating this community, sharing stories and Ken, for the Dakin support group. They have all been instrumental in my grief journey this last year. I tried to keep this short so you can share if you want to, but mostly I wanted to say thank you.

With love and gratitude,
Kate

My other previous appearances on their podcast were:

Episode #186: Talking about my grief journey, planning for loss and my free Advance Care Directive worksheet.

Episode #199: Discussing Behavioral Euthanasia and my death doula work

I’ve also written about When To Get A New Dog After Losing Your Heart Dog, if you’re interested in my perspective on that.

I’m here for any of your training needs. If you are preparing for the loss of your own dog, remember I offer my doula services here or you can book my special consult if you’re considering behavioral euthanasia.

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