Eight months ago we lost sweet BooBoo. I continue to share my grief journey so others know they’re not alone and that their grief is completely normal.
With the holidays upon us, I’ve got a feeling of dread. Our Christmases for the last 15 years have been filled with traditions that always involved our dogs – going to the tree farm to pick out a tree on Black Friday, Christmas pictures at the farm, watching the dogs unwrap all their gifts Christmas morning, entertaining with the dogs, baking cookies, taking them with us to other holiday gatherings, having them “help” decorate the house, and more. It feels empty without a dog and since we don’t have human kids and often skip gift giving to each other, I’m struggling with how to celebrate this year. Thanksgiving was hard. There were lots of tears leading up to and on Thanksgiving. And I’m not sure Christmas or New Year’s will be any better.
This 8 month anniversary also feels somewhat monumental because this is now officially the longest I’ve gone in my adult life without having my own dog. When our dog Bandit passed away (he was our first as adults), it was nearly 7 months before we adopted Barbo. Being 8 months in feels like I’m up against some sort of internal timeline. I know it doesn’t work like that but I feel some sort of weird pressure within.
BooBoo at the End of Trail, February 2024, only 6 weeks before she died
What’s helping?
Some of Boo’s ashes where she last hiked
For Boo’s birthday in October, we redid the last big hike we had done with her only 6 weeks before she passed away. We went to the spot where I had taken this picture on the left and spread some of her ashes there (picture on the right). It was cathartic to be in that space again and to leave a little bit of her there. And then after the hike, we found a place to eat and toasted to our sweet girl, on what would have been her 16th birthday.
I continue to write about Boo, remembering anecdotes and sweet stories and writing about our beautiful life together. I don’t know what, if anything, will come of it but it’s nice to revisit these stories and write them down so I don’t forget anything. One of my biggest fears is forgetting her as time passes.
And, we continue to foster. John and I have had eight fosters since Boo’s passing. For me, fostering is a way to honor Boo and Barbo in my grief journey, since that’s something we all did together when they were younger. And, it’s a way to dip my toes into having unfamiliar dogs in the house again to see how that feels for me. And, it gives my husband, John, some much wanted dog time.
John and Abby, foster #61
Since my last update we had two fosters, including Abigail, who we raised over $2000 for so she could get a dental done. She was likely in a crate or tied out chewing on a chain and all of her top teeth between her canines were broken off at the gumline. Needing a dental was a huge barrier to adoption for a dog at a public shelter and she would have been at a much higher risk of being euthanized. But we did our fundraiser and with the funds raised, a rescue pulled her. She had her dental and spay done on 11/25 and is fully recovered!
Our Thanksgiving foster, GG, foster #62 for us, is with us for a little over 3 weeks – she goes back on Wednesday this week. She’s a graceful, beautiful, very athletic, black labby/maybe hound girl with beautiful soft velvet ears and a lot of traits of both Barbo and BooBoo. She’s brought up lots of feelings in me, seeing those similarities to both of our dogs. She’s got Barbo’s adventurous spirit and Boo’s sweetness. She was severely underweight when she came to us, but we bulked her up! She loved hiking and pillows on the couch and chasing squirrels in the yard but we discovered she is very fearful of new people and has separation anxiety. Our normal go-to places like the farmers market and some outdoor dining places that we normally bring dogs were out because they were too scary for her. We worked with her a lot while she was with us but she’s going to need more than we could do in 3-1/2 weeks.
I continue to participate in the Dakin Humane Society support group each month. It’s free and I find it incredibly helpful to connect with others having a similar experience, at various points in their grief timelines. Some people attending are one or two years into their journey and others are days into it, and everything in between. Grief can feel so very lonely so it’s helpful to have a place to have a community.
I also continue to meet with Angela, my incredible pet loss grief counselor for sessions. I had moved to every 2-3 weeks but with the holidays dredging up my grief, I’m back to seeing her every 1-2 weeks. Grief definitely comes in waves and this holiday season is harder than I expected. I suspect some of you reading this have also reached out to Angela. I cannot impress enough how important to have a really good support system. Even though I’m a pet death doula myself, I need that extra support which is why I see Angela and attend the Dakin support group.
I’ve also been on four more podcasts since my last update, talking about a variety of topics, but in all of them, of course BooBoo comes up. Have a listen to them here if you missed them:
GG, aka GG Top “she’s got legs and knows how to use them”, foster #62
What’s not helping?
Most people have stopped asking about Boo. A few people still check in or send me little notes or memes about grief they’ve come across, and I appreciate it so much. Not mentioning her is so painful for me. I don’t want her to be forgotten. And not talking about her doesn’t magically make me forget she’s gone. When people say things like “it just takes time” or “time heals all wounds” – that’s not helpful.
People say time heals all wounds. But really time is the wound, because it takes you farther and farther away from when you were happy.
Fostering has been helpful but I can’t help but find myself comparing every dog we have to BooBoo and Barbo. I know from working with clients that I always tell them each dog is an individual and that we do a disservice to the dog we currently have if we’re constantly holding them up in comparison to previous dogs. It’s harder to walk this walk, but I’m trying.
Normal life and everything that is going on in the world is not helping. I know it’s not something I can control but the lack of control exacerbates my grief, and reminds me that Boo, who was my stabilizing force, especially in times of upheaval, is gone. I find her absence is more profound when things around me are upsetting. And that’s been a lot lately with world and political events.
Thanks for reading, if you’ve gotten this far. Remember, as part of my doula services, I’ve got this resource page, which I update regularly. I also have my free Advance Care Directive worksheet available for download and this post about helping kids navigate grief. And I did a post on the benefits of At Home Euthanasia with a directory of local vets by different regions. If you’ve missed my previous grief posts:
- first post about Boo passing
- 2 month update
- 4 month update
- 6 month update
- watch this memorial video of Life of Boo, with music composed by my husband, John.
- Video of BooBoo crossing the rainbow bridge (Lake Lure Rainbow Bridge, destroyed in Hurricane Helene floods)
If you are preparing for the loss of your own dog, remember I offer my doula services here. And of course I’m here for any of your training needs or you can book my special consult if you’re considering behavioral euthanasia.
Give your pups some extra treats from me and BooBoo, for free…don’t make them work for it, in honor of her six month passing. If you record it, please share it with me! Free Treats In Honor Of BooBoo!
And thanks for still being here.
