First, let me start by saying this post comes from a place of care and education, not judgment. Most people doing the things I’m about to describe love their dogs deeply but they may not know better. As I’ve written about before, love isn’t always enough to keep a dog safe, and part of my job is helping educate and raise awareness about things that I see that are concerning. After over a decade of working with fearful, reactive, and aggressive dogs, there are certain things that make my stomach drop every single time I see them.
Here are five of them:
1. Dogs on prong collars, choke chains, or shock collars.
I know this is a hot topic, and I know there are trainers out there who will disagree with me. I’m okay with that. The research is clear that aversive tools like prong collars, choke chains, and shock collars work through pain and fear. They suppress behavior by making the dog uncomfortable enough to stop doing the thing, but they don’t address why the dog is doing it in the first place. Worse, they carry a real risk of fallout, including increased anxiety, redirected aggression, and damaged trust between dog and owner. When I see a dog on a prong collar lunging at the end of a leash, I don’t see a dog being corrected. I see a dog in distress whose communication is being punished instead of heard. There are better tools and better methods available, full stop. If you’ve fallen victim to trainers who told you prong was the way to go, reach out. I can help.
2. Toddlers unsupervised in a dog’s space.
I am a licensed Family Paws Parent Educator, so this one is close to my heart. Family Paws has a saying I repeat constantly: “Dog and baby on the scene, an adult in between.” It’s catchy because it’s true. Young children move unpredictably, make sudden loud noises, grab, fall, and get right in a dog’s face in ways that even the most patient dog can find overwhelming. The dog is almost never trying to be dangerous but they are trying to communicate that they need space, and if the earlier signals have gone unnoticed or been dismissed, a bite can happen very quickly. Supervision doesn’t mean being in the same room. It means active, adult, eyes-on, hands-ready supervision with a body positioned between the child and the dog. The stakes are too high for anything less.
3. People kissing or hugging their dogs, especially children kissing dogs.
I understand it completely. Dogs are soft and sweet and some of them genuinely seem to love affection. But kissing or hugging a dog requires getting close to their face, and face-to-face proximity is something many dogs find uncomfortable even when they tolerate it. Tolerating something is not the same as enjoying it. A dog who holds still while being kissed on the nose may be showing stress signals that most people simply don’t know how to read, a turned head, a lip lick or kiss to dismiss, a stiffened body, a hard stare. Children are especially at risk here because they tend to approach dogs directly and from the front, which puts their face right at the dog’s mouth if the dog decides they’ve had enough. I’m not saying your dog doesn’t love you. I’m saying the kiss is for you, not for them. And hugging is a uniquely primate way of showing affection. Dogs don’t interpret a huge as affection – to them it’s restraint and at best they tolerate it.
4. Skipping food rewards, especially with a nervous or fearful dog.
I hear it all the time: “I don’t want to bribe my dog” or “I only use praise.” I get where it comes from, but it reflects a misunderstanding of how behavior actually works. Food is not a bribe. It’s information and tells the dog that what they just did was exactly right and is worth repeating. And when a dog is scared, anxious, or stressed, food takes on an even more critical role because it can actually help change how the dog feels about whatever is worrying them. That’s the basis of counterconditioning, one of the most effective tools we have for behavior modification. Telling a fearful dog “good boy” and expecting that to carry the same weight as a high-value treat is like trying to pay for your groceries with a compliment to the cashier checking you out. Food is the dog’s paycheck and the amount has to match what the situation calls for. If your dog is nervous about something, please use food.
5. Laughing at a scared dog.
This one breaks my heart. Scared dogs aren’t funny but I see it constantly in viral videos where dogs are spooking at Halloween inflatables, bolting from decorations, or startling at their own reflection, and the comments are full of laughing emojis. I know it looks funny from the outside and that it’s likely coming from a misunderstanding of dog body language but what’s actually happening in those moments is a dog experiencing real fear, and the response they’re getting from the person they trust most is laughter.
Fear is fear, whether the threat is real or not, and the dog gets to decide what is scary – not you. A dog who is afraid of a plastic skeleton in the front yard is not being dramatic but their nervous system is telling them there is a threat, and that experience is genuinely scary for them. When we laugh and film instead of helping, we miss an opportunity to build confidence, to try to create some sort of positive out of a negative and to show them that you will help them when they are scared. You’ve missed an opportunity to strengthen the animal-human bond and build trust. If your dog is scared of something, advocate for them and help them feel safe.
If any of these resonated with you, please know I’m not writing this to make you feel bad. I believe that when people have better information, they make better choices for their dogs. That’s the whole reason I do this work. If you want to understand your dog’s body language better, or if you’re navigating fear, reactivity, or a difficult behavior, I’m here to help. Let’s work together and help you help your dog. If you’re ready to take the first step towards this, you can schedule your session here!
If you would like to support my efforts and make a contribution to allow me to continue to create free resources like my blog and all of my other free resources, you can Buy Me A Coffee!
Thanks for being here!
Proud Partner Of The Farmer’ Dog. Get a special discount on your first box.
(This post contains affiliate links. If you click the link, I earn a small commission, at no extra cost to you.)
