What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Grieving a Pet

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August 11, 2025

When someone you know is grieving the loss of a beloved pet, it can be hard to know what to say, even if you’ve lost a pet before. You may feel nervous about saying the wrong thing, or unsure how to offer comfort to them…and maybe you just think staying silent is better.

But let me tell you, silence is not better. Silence can be misinterpreted. It can feel like abandonment. If you’re not sure what to say, simple honesty and saying “I don’t know what to say right now” is better than avoidance. A caring acknowledgment, no matter how brief, can be far more comforting than silence.

Pet loss grief is real and profound. For many people, they’ve lost family member, a best friend, a constant source of unconditional love and acknowledging that bond, and the pain of losing it, is one of the most compassionate things you can do.

Here’s some guidelines on what to say, and what not to say.

What to say:

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
This simple phrase is almost always appropriate. It shows you recognize their grief without minimizing or trying to fix it.
Fluffy was so loved and so lucky to have you.”
This helps acknowledge the bond they shared and can be very comforting.
“I know how much Fluffy meant to you.”
This validates that their loss is significant.
“My favorite memory of Fluffy is…”
Sharing memories can help them feel less alone in remembering their pet’s life. And it shows you’re not afraid to talk about their loss. I loved when people shared memories of Boo with me. It helped (and still does!), keep her alive in a way.
“I’m here if you want to talk or need anything.”
Offer your presence and support without pressure.
“Take all the time you need to grieve.”
This reassures them that their feelings are valid, no matter how long they last.

What NOT to say:

“It was just a dog/cat.”
This diminishes their grief and implies their pain isn’t real. As it is, most employers don’t recognize pet loss for using bereavement leave, and it can be hard or impossible for people to return to work right away. Please don’t contribute to this.
“When are you getting another one?”
They may eventually choose to open their hearts and home again, but suggesting it can feel dismissive of their loss and make the loss of their family member more like a car or refrigerator that you just rush out and replace when the old one is gone.
“At least it wasn’t a person.”
Grief isn’t a competition. Nobody wins at grief competition. And, there’s some evidence that shows losing a pet is similar to losing a child and can feel just as devastating.
“He/she lived a long life.”
While well-intended, this doesn’t ease the ache of missing them. And it means they likely shared an exceptionally long time together, which may make their loss even more painful.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Platitudes rarely bring comfort in grief. I don’t subscribe to this belief, and even if I did, it’s not supportive and may leave people searching for reasons or blame.
Anything that begins with “At least…”
Rarely does anything that starts with “at least” feel supportive. Things like “at least they’re in a better place” or “at least they’re not in pain” or “at least they lived a long life” or “at least you have another animal.” Nothing like that is supportive and in fact it diminishes the relationship they had with their animal.
Saying nothing at all.
Sometimes people stay silent because they feel awkward or afraid of saying the wrong thing. But silence can feel like abandonment to someone who is grieving. Even a short message like “I heard about Fluffy and I’m so sorry. I’m here if you want to talk.” lets them know you care and that their loss matters.

Small gestures=big impact

I’ve talked about receiving a DoorDash order of 15 boxes of tissues from a long-distance friend the week that Boo was dying. And that small token of practical help meant so much, even reflecting back more than a year later. Here’s some other small gestures can mean the world:

Send a sympathy card that acknowledges their pet by name and maybe talks about a memory or shared experience you had with them.
Offer to help with practical tasks, like returning or donating pet supplies if needed or calling to cancel subscriptions of food.
Make a donation to an animal charity in their pet’s memory.
Check in on them weeks or months later – grief doesn’t disappear quickly but after the first few weeks people tend to forget and don’t check in.

If you’re unsure what to say, lead with empathy and honesty. A simple “I care about you” or “I’m here” goes a long way. Your compassion will be remembered long after the words themselves fade.

And if you need more personal support, you can learn more about working with me one-on-one as your end-of-life doula and pet loss grief companion here.

I’m so sorry for your loss and am here to support you. Let’s walk this road together, with compassion, dignity, and love. I can help you with quality of life assessment, grief support and companion you through your pet loss journey. You can schedule a session here!

Need more resources on pet loss grief? Here’s some of my resources: